How to Deal with Grief
At some point in life, grief touches us all. Our reactions to grief are as unique and varied as we are as people. However, there are some phases of grief that we all go through as we heal. This week's article talks about the phases of grief and provides support and resources for helping deal with it.
Grief is the normal response of sorrow, emotion, and confusion that comes from losing someone or something important to you. It is a natural part of life. Grief is a typical reaction to death, divorce, job loss, a move away from family and friends, or loss of good health due to illness. In this article you will learn what to expect when faced with a situation that causes you to grieve and where to find additional support.
How does grief feel?
Just after a death or loss, you may feel empty and numb, as if you are in shock. You may notice physical changes such as trembling, nausea, trouble breathing, muscle weakness, dry mouth, or trouble sleeping and eating.
You may become angry - at a situation, a particular person, or just angry in general. Almost everyone in grief also experiences guilt. Guilt is often expressed as "I could have, I should have, and I wish I would have" statements.
People in grief may have strange dreams or nightmares, be absent-minded, withdraw socially, or lack the desire to return to work. While these feelings and behaviors are normal during grief, they will pass.
How long does grief last?
Grief lasts as long as it takes you to accept and learn to live with your loss. For some people, grief lasts a few months. For others, grieving may take years.
The length of time spent grieving is different for each person. There are many reasons for the differences, including personality, health, coping style, culture, family background, and life experiences. The time spent grieving also depends on your relationship with the person lost and how prepared you were for the loss.
How will I know when I'm done grieving?
Every person who experiences a death or other loss must complete a four-step grieving process:
- Accept the loss;
- Work through and feel the physical and emotional pain of grief;
- Adjust to living in a world without the person or item lost; and
- Move on with life.
The grieving process is over only when a person completes the four steps.
How does grief differ from depression?
Depression is more than a feeling of grief after losing someone or something you love. Clinical depression is a whole body disorder. It can take over the way you think and feel. Symptoms of depression include:
- A sad, anxious, or "empty" mood that won't go away;
- Loss of interest in what you used to enjoy;
- Low energy, fatigue, feeling "slowed down;"
- Changes in sleep patterns;
- Loss of appetite, weight loss, or weight gain;
- Trouble concentrating, remembering, or making decisions;
- Feeling hopeless or gloomy;
- Feeling guilty, worthless, or helpless;
- Thoughts of death or suicide or a suicide attempt; and
- Recurring aches and pains that don't respond to treatment.
If you recently experienced a death or other loss, these feelings may be part of a normal grief reaction. But if these feelings persist with no lifting mood, ask for help.
Where to find help
Employee Assistance Plans have counselors who are trained to help people through the grieving process. Your EAP, People Resources is available 24/7 at 1-800-765-9124. Family and other Physicians, nurses and other health professionals and the clergy are also accustomed to helping those who have lost a loved one. In addition, here are some agencies that can provide additional information, support and assistance.
The following list of organizations and web sites provides information and support for coping with grief:
The Compassionate Friends (national office)
P.O. Box 3696
Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696
630-990-0010; Toll Free 877-9690010
http://www.compassionatefriends.org
A national, self-help support organization for those grieving the loss of a child or sibling.
Fernside
Bethesda Professional Building
4360 Cooper Road, Suite 101
Cincinnati, OH 45242
513-745-0111 (M - F 9:30 am - 4:30 pm EST)
http://www.fernside.org
Grief information, resources, and support for grieving children and their families.
RENEW: Center for Personal Recovery
P.O. Box 125
Berea, KY 40403
859-986-7878
http://www.renew.net
A grief counseling center for individuals and families that are experiencing loss, with a specialty in grief recovery counseling for traumatic deaths.
Online Resources
GriefNet
http://www.griefnet.org/
GriefNet is a professionally directed, on-line grief support community. It has over 50 monitored support groups covering the loss of a parent, of a child, of a sibling, of a friend, of a spouse, of a pet, loss due to military service, and other unique losses.
Growth House, Inc.
http://www.growthhouse.org
A source of quality information and resources on death and dying issues,
Transformations
http://www.transformations.com
A web site about self-help, support, and recovery issues.
Source: Center for Mental Health Services
This is for general informational purposes only and it is not intended to provide anyone with specific advice or recommendation. This is not a substitute for advice from an appropriate professional. If you feel you need further help, we strongly suggest you seek assistance from an appropriate professional.
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